Experience and  studies have helped us recognize the basic components of a successful divorce. 'Successful,' as defined here, means completing the emotional separation process, achieving balance as a single person, preserving the welfare of your children, and developing healthy attitudes toward yourself, your ex-spouse, and your past marriage. Absence of conflict is not necessarily a part of the ideal divorce. Some degree of anger or conflict is expected, helpful, and can even serve a useful purpose. These emotions can help dissolve the bonds of attachment and old relationship patterns; it causes one to regroup and reflect; it facilitates change. Excessive or destructive conflict, however, requires special treatment. Apart from peace of mind, growth, and other human values, there are very practical advantages to struggling as hard as possible to create a Successful divorce.

Here are a few:

• Save thousands of dollars in legal costs

• Greatly improve parenting skills and cooperation

        • Ease familial tensions and conflict 

• Make agreements which are complied with

The closer one gets to these ideals discussed below, the more successful the divorce and the healthier the family. Some of the elements of a successful divorce include:

Cooperation: Lack of cooperation in making the decision to divorce is a major cause of conflict. In an ideal divorce, the decision to divorce is made at together. This means that both spouses come to terms with the divorce as the logical choice given their circumstances. It does not infer that both parties are equally 'in favor,' of divorce, but that the reluctant spouse will accept the inevitability of the divorce as something over which he or she has no control. One does not need  to be in agreement to get a divorce, but one needs agreement to achieve a healthier, less damaging divorce.

Attitude: Each spouse needs to keep a balanced view of the other, and of the their marriage. In the event that children are involved, the parties should work to cooperate with and support each other, keeping in mind that every child needs both of his or her parents and should not be made to choose between them. Attorneys and other professionals who help those involved in divorce have a common saying: "Elephants don't marry Giraffes". That saying relates to how one spouse may portray the other, to attorneys or counselors or the court.